Lost and Found

I lost my heart and found you
I lost my sanity and found insanty
I lost you and found myself back again
singing, dancing, loving and realizing I'll be okay

I lost that battle but instead found myself victorious as I let that war go
I escaped with scrapes but I managed to bandage it all back together
I lost joy and found sorrow.... sorrow in the unhappiness; so I decided to go back to being happy.

I've always wanted to be happy- thats what I've always strived for yet
I've never been unhappy
I've never wanted to be alone, in fact I'm afraid of being lonely
Yet, never have I been lonely maybe in bad company but that comes and goes and inevitably somehow
as long as I still have myself my strength is my within.

I thought I would always have you,
You were and are my person, you understood and misunderstood me
Knew me so well yet had no idea and were so oblivious that you just sent me off..
I told you to promise me to never let go and so you did.
Now, I don't know what to do. I find plenty to keep my mind busy and my body going but I can't silence that deafening silence you beat me with.

I want to yell, scream and cry and throw my hands up in my air but I my lungs are exasperated.
I feel like I can't breath and my balance is so so off and never have I shook so much and felt so miserably cold despite the hundred degree weather.
All I have left now are an unbearable amount of questions that won't be answered, a pair of lungs yearning to share your same air and arms that feel oh so weak and what's even worst is you're nowhere around.

You promised.
You promised you wouldn't break a promise, that we would be forever.
Did forever ever exist? Did I ever exist in that forever or has that forever now became extinct?