it kills me...

it kills me...
it kills me not hearing that ring, not feeling that vibration or seeing that smiley face
Not knowing what's running through your mind, not having any peace of mind.
If I can only read your mind, know what it hides.... would I still love you the same? or would something change?
Did something change within the last few hours?
I feel like I'm losing my mind and yet I'm wondering about yours.
Give me a hint, a clue just set me on the right path.
I'll conform with not knowing it all, fine I'll just know enough but tell me what is enough?
It isn't enough knowing and then not knowing.
Wondering and feeling a full certainty of utter belonging.
Can it please stop being temporary? Can we move past temporary and go on to a permanence?
I can't imagine my life without you nor would I want it without you.
You see, you have turned into the best part of it and of me.
Nothing.
No reply, no answer... What am I to do with so many lingering questions and no reply.

What does it matter?

What does it matter?

What does it matter that I care and you don’t? What does it matter that there are nights that I just want to cry my eyes out and wish I didn’t feel like I had any way of holding back. I wish I can scream on top of my lungs and let it all out, let you know really how you make me feel. Yet, then I’d be back to that same question. What does it matter? Who cares? Obviously, not you.

Not minimally, or secretly as you make it pretty clear as it really is just irrelevant. Will it even make a difference when I finally walk away? When will I no longer make you a priority and finally an option, if that? I’m done wishing and hoping that someday, one day, hopefully not too far away something might just change.

That’s the thing with change though; it doesn’t happen unless you make it happen. It never just happens spontaneously or just because. All the contrary it happens because finally one day one gets tired, frustrated with the way something may be occurring and decides to do something. You see, action needs to be taken, words need to be said things need to be done and ones ground must be held.

Because it does matter, it matters to yourself. To finally take a stand, grow a pair and say all that needs to be said and defend it and defend yourself. One takes as much as one allows, so stop allowing, stop questioning if it matters or not to someone else. If it matters to you, that's all that matters. One must give oneself that importance deserved and needed to stand tall with a smile on your face and say it matters and it matters to me and thats why I won't take it anymore. 

I remember

Granted I have a horrible memory and lack a capability of remembering tiny little details, but there are those things, those days, moments, instances that will forever remain in my heart and memory that I can still remember as if it just happened.

I still remember what you wearing... a breath taking smile and a charm that not even I felt lucky enough to be in such a presence.
I still remember that look... that made me want to smile and pretend I wasn't also looking your way, but how can I not?
I will never forget the giddiness inside of me when I saw you walking my way... though how can I forget when it was involuntary.
I will always remember my condition and how you remembered my name... I loved the way it sounded coming out of you.
How can I forget the way you make me feel as with you it's an everyday thing from the text messages to the sweet kisses and I can't imagine a life better than with you in it.

moment of inspiration

Si tal vez pudieras comprender...
Que ya no se ni como expresar me bien.
Por donde empezar ni mucho menos cuando terminar.
Que aunque piense de mas o piense de menos... Pienso.

Pienso en lo que es, no lo es, pudo ser y lo que nunca sera.
Me rio de nervio. Lloro de tristeza, me trago las lagrimas por orgullo. Y callo al no saber.

Lo siento no puedo quererte si no estas cerca de mi, no puedo amar la idea de ti.

his name

His name
His name I'm afraid I can not say as by just thinking of it, I begin to blush
His name I can not tell as it fill me with feelings I didn't even know were possible
Saying it would not just make my face rosey but lips would inevitably break into a smile
My eyes would fill up with a shine and my heart will instantly begin to race.
I can not tell you much of him just that there seems to be an infinite amount of happiness in me and a giddyness that I have yet to be able to explain.


I can not say his name, I can not bare the pain of just thinking of a day where he will not be 
Be by my side and drive me insane
An insanity that only careless lovers can understand and even then can't quite comprehend. 
I dare not pretend there can be a day where my forever and ever can turn into a happily ever after
The blood in my veins just by the thought begins to rush 
Oh, what a rush would that be.... an infinite of possibilities of what can and not be
Yet his name I will not reveal.