Te cambio
Te cambio mi sonrisa, por tu dolor
te regalo mi corazon acambio de tu amor
arreglemos un intercambio: tu apatia por mis incesantes neuronas que no me dejan estar en paz.
Te doy mi locura por un momento de sensates donde por lo menos, por tan solo un segundo,
no todo este al revez
Cambiemos mi tonta risa de nervios por un momento de seriedad.
Te cambio por tan solo un momento mi diario por tan solo una idea de que hay realmente detras de esa mirada llena de lo desconosido para mi.
Cambiemos mi conocido por tu desconocido
que al fin y al cabo aun ay tanto por conocer.
Arreglemos un trato por tan solo un rato,
deja y te cambio lo que fue por lo que es
por tan solo un rato hasme este trato.

complicated

its complicated...
It's complicated how your not here and I'm not there
how I can't help but feel nothing more than a churn in my stomach when I hear your voice

It's complicated how you make me feel
a feeling of numbness, weightless, euphoria, sadness, madness and happiness all at once

It's complicated how I don't want to think of you and end up doing just that

It's complicated how you look me in the eye and I just don't know what to say
How is it that I have become speechless? Its you.

Its you with those penetrating eyes and killer smile, hard boy attitude that's really just a softy deep down inside

and its complicated how I just wish I can reverse time and catch myself
Catch myself from falling
yet here I am

Too little too much

I know so little and so much. I know enought to try and not say too much. I know I've said it all, yet wish I wouldn't had said it at all. I know the world won't stop spinning, yet there are those instances it feels it stopped and nothing seems to make sense. It's a fact we all aspire for a forever but how so long does forever last when all that has a beginning has an end and an ending is nothing more than a new beginning.
I know for a fact that I need air to live, but living isn't breathing...and I'm beginning to hate the saying "its not the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away" Can it really be about the aww moments? No way. It can't. It's about those moments where you manage to breathe even when you feel you can't. You smile, despite having a million and one reasons not to. You go on, despite the feeling in your legs telling you that you can't go on.
I know now after so little and so much that its really not about the moments that take your breath away but the ones that don't let you breathe and make you face your shitt. You face, overcome it, learn from it and go on living with it. There are no such things as mistakes, but rather discoveries of how to go about doing things in different way, discoveries of ones strengths during your greatest weakest moments and finally lessons learnes from it all.

Planning on making God laugh

My dad asked me the other day: “sabes, como hacer reir a Dios?” I answered no? como? With a smile on his face he replied “platicale tus planes.” So, Dear God, here goes the joke of the century with which I’m sure many can relate.

                One day, when I grow up, I want to change the world. I want to make it a better place, where hunger or poverty doesn’t exist, where all children have a loving home with both daddies and mommy’s that love them very much, there will be no fear, evil, sadness or hatred in it and especially no war.

                I will be somebody in life, not just anybody. People will look up to me but I will never look down on anybody; instead I will help all in all I can. “El que no vive para servir, no sirve para vivir” will always be my motto. My prince charming will come and sweep me off my feet and we will live happily ever after. I will be a mom some day and I will work side by side with my husband to provide and give to my children all they may need all while still making the world a better place.

                God, I hope you’re not laughing too hard. I know  I am a dreamer perhaps an irrealistic one but I’m still one. But que no tambien “el que no vive de suenos, no vive de nada”? Yo vivo de muchos sueños, ilusiones, esperanzas, fantasias, anectodas y ganas. Ganas de vivir, hacer, lograr y llegar. Franklin D. Roosevelt did say “only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” I want and shall be fearless. God, between your laughter session would you mind answering a couple of my prayers please? I pray that you give me wisdom, strength and courage and above all that you guide me and please always make sure my intentions to do things are the best ones.

                World: I know I’m trying to change you, and realize you are pretty resistant to change but I refuse to let you change me. I realize that inevitably I will have to wizen up, harden up and not be such a softy, stop being so naïve and open up my eyes but please take it easy? I won’t give up, that I can assure you. I may have some break downs where God, you will come in place and help fix me please. I will also most likely have set backs but once again with God, family and friends I’m sure I’ll get back on track. I might also even stir away from the path I’m supposed to follow and I may make my own and God in those moments all I can ask of you is to please remain by my side.

                The plan is (God, here it comes) to travel all around the world, study abroad, attend college (CSU or UC) and graduate. Work, never stop working. Work where I can help people and still make enough money to travel and enjoy life without worries. Upon completing school, get married to Mr. Right and have a wonderful life together. I know, it may sound pretty cliché and many may be rolling their eyes. But isn’t that what every little girl wants?  Above all however, I plan on never changing but for the best, always loving, respecting myself and never give up on life, my plans and myself.

                I know life is never what we want and things never go how we plan or how we want them to. Things fall apart so better ones can come together, hearts get broken and tears shed but laughter eventually comes around. I realize that there is no such thing as perfection and so I just want something perfectly imperfect. God, its okay if you do and if you’re laughing right now, it’s a sign that you’re listening, your with me and with you by myself all is possible and like my dad has told me “no hay mal que por bien no venga” and after every storm a rainbow always follows. I will continue planning only to let you do as you see being best for me, just give me patience and strength to not give up on my dreams.  Inevitably as humans we have this need for control over our lives and though I realize I can’t control it all nor have it all my way it’s always good to have a dream, hopes and something to look forward to.  Plans though rarely ever go through are always good to make because at least you have something to guide and follow through rather than just wander through life.