There's a dream deep within me.
A dream that won't die and it won't go no where.
It's here nor there but it's everywhere.
It  keeps my head in the clouds and my feet on the ground.
Greatness and fame has gone down in flames while it burns deep in my heart.
To never back down and give it all I got.
It may not be much it may not even be enough but I"ll give it my all.
I never wanted to be here stuck in what feels like stagnancy.
I know Im going somewhere but I don't know if it's where I want to be.
You gotta keep moving and doing it's what keeps me going but where am I going?

I want to run to your arms and never leave but we both know I gotta go...
Will the day where I wont have to go ever come?
Or will that just continue to be my dream?
My never ending dream

Open your eyes and see far within and realize where you can be and want to be.
Whether it be in the comfort of my arms or in a grand city where no one knows your name.
There are moments in life I live for that don't come very often but make you realize how so small you truly are.
It's when you find your perspective.
When you realize where you truly do want to be and start to find a sense of belonging.
Belonging back to yourself. It's so easy to get lost from yourself, from the world but at the end what matters the most and makes you is the journey you endure and the person you end up becoming.

Y si te digo

Y que tal y si te digo que te amo
Que te extrano y no son mas que palabras
Que me robas mi aliento

Y que tal y si te digo que con tu abrazo me llevas hasta el cielo
Si te digo que por tus besos me deshago y me pierdo en otro mundo

Dime lo tan solo dime que puedo hacer para ya no quedar con la duda...
Dime lo que anoro por oir
Que no son tan solo palabras que se las lleva el viento...Dimelo

standing unhappily everywhere I didn't want to be

and as I stand here on the corner of happily ever nowhere and fuck my life I better figure this shit out all I can help but think is how so much I need to be told that it's all going to be alright. Clearly, not just by anybody but I need to at least know I'm going to be okay. Yes, I've said it to myself a million and one times and I will have to say it a million more 'cause somehow coming from me doesn't quite feel like enough.
   I'm yearning to hear it from you or quite frankly anyone at this point other than me. Yet, only a few know of my feelings and my sufferings as you pointed out my life is "perfect".
   Let me once and for all make a clarification, it's not perfect. Not even remotely near to it what so ever, I make it seem that way and I will continue to do so because lets face it no one cares and those that may well it's only in their interest. And why would I make myself vulnerable and weak to some one who will then turn it all around on me or later just use it to their advantage? I learned a long time ago that it's best to leave them in awe and wondering rather than take away the element of surprise.

I crave you

I crave you in the most sweet, unique, passionate full of desire kinda way

Where I crave midnight talks about everything and anything, something and nothing. 

I want to share with you my life, my goals, my dreams, fears and ambitions. 

I yearn to be snuggled next to you with my head on your chest and your arms tight around me making me feel like that's where I belong and nowhere else in the world. 

I crave your touch and your lips touching mine and that feeling that the world is ours and all is achievable. 

I keep waiting and sitting around for a sign that I'm the one and that you know it and I know it and that theres no going back. 

My phone hasn't buzzed and I keep wishing it would ring and your name will come up but that's not the case-

And who am I fooling it won't be either. 

I don't know what I'm more terrified of; that I'll cave in and go looking for you or that you don't even care to or if I do. 

It's beginning to feel like it's all just a craving for a need to be met and as you've said: I'm just a needy little girl that wants attention.

Without much else to say

I get it. I understand that you're mad and frustrated. I've even realized how so easy it is for you to erase me from your life and have even blocked me. I am however oblivious to your logic and reasoning. At this point, I even doubt you even thinking of what is coming out of your mouth and realizing how so badly you are handling yourself. Don't tell me I hurt you, you know that's not true. How can I when you don't even care? You say it's not worth it, I'm not worth it and let alone our relationship so what am I to do? As usual, you won't talk to me nor do you desire to and God knows even if I could it would do no good. But really, is your pettiness so great that you much rather send me off to oblivion and forget of my existence? The clear answer is obviously a yes.

Hating how so much I love you...

I hate how so much I miss your arms and your kisses and the way I felt at home in your bed. I hate how I can't text you and I can't call you far less speak to you because I hate you. I hate you for breaking my heart, for quitting on us again and making me feel less than what I am. I hate how you're willing to speak of your feelings so openly and let others know how you're feeling and thinking but won't and can't to me. God knows how many times I spoke to an imaginary you or wrote out all my feelings to you cause when I would try to speak to you and say how I was feeling you would minimize them. And I hate even more how so much I needed you and still do and you're no where to be found and I hate how so much it hurt when you blatantly let me know how you wouldn't marry me and I cried and all you did was nothing. You didn't say a word to at least try to make me feel better but rather did all the opposite. I say there and I swallowed  my tears and not to say my hurt and anger when you just went on listing the many reason why I'm just not the one for you. Cause as you said I've had the "perfect life" I'm glad to know that's what you think cause I've never wanted nor let many know of how so imperfect it is. I let you know and I shared it all with you yet to you I was just being petty and a little chillona. Just realize however, that most of the tears I have cried in the last five years have been for you. Not all were of unhappiness many of happiness but now, all they are of uncertainty, emptiness and a huge feeling that something is missing. But what I hate most of all is how despite how I'm feeling I can't stop loving you and wishing just wishing that maybe just maybe you loved me enough. 

and now where do I go?

And where do I go from here?
From this moment of not knowing.
I thought I knew it all, I thought I finally had it all figured out.
You and I together forever.
You holding me, I holding you.

And I thought we had it all, All it took to be happy.
We were so happy, we were the happiest I've ever seen.

I finally had made up my mind.
I would be the children's psychologist and stay here, with you.
Where I would finally be able to make sense of this non sense of the world.
I knew that with you by my side all my questions would find an answer and I would never feel alone.

And now, you're nowhere to be found.
Nowhere near and all I hear is a deafening silence.

So, here I am with a void in my heart with tears in my eyes and a knowing that this is our end.
You are done and have forever walked away without once looking back and I...
And I don't know where to go.